


Where We Belong

by LyriaBlackFrost



Series: Fic Requests [27]
Category: Persona 5
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst with a Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Abuse, M/M, Mutual Support, Negative portrayal of how the PTs treat Ryuji, Ryuji leaves the Phantom Thieves, Self-Hatred, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-14
Updated: 2020-08-14
Packaged: 2021-03-05 23:28:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 15,020
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25903594
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LyriaBlackFrost/pseuds/LyriaBlackFrost
Summary: After a fight with the Phantom Thieves, Ryuji comes across the detective Goro Akechi, who seems to be bothered by problems of his own. Their brief conversation makes Ryuji realize that, maybe, he doesn’t have a place in that group, and that his presence is only making things more difficult for his friends and himself. When the Phantom Thieves don’t respond well to his decision to leave, Ryuji—still affected by the situation—finds kindness and support in that person he never thought he would befriend.However, both Goro and himself have things they keep hidden from each other, and when these secrets finally come to the surface, they may also change everything about their relationship.
Relationships: Akechi Goro/Sakamoto Ryuji
Series: Fic Requests [27]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1141385
Comments: 18
Kudos: 149





	Where We Belong

**Author's Note:**

> Requested by indigoidiot. Kinda painful, but still fun to write. :)
> 
> I hope you like it!

They said it had been just a joke, and that he was overreacting.

But it wasn’t just about Morgana reminding him for the thousandth time of how useless he was, while the others agreed. It was about how they all treated him as nothing but a burden, no matter how much effort he put into fighting alongside them. It was about how they used every chance they got to ridicule him over the smallest things. It was about how he always did what he could to help them and keep them safe, but they never did the same for him. It was about Akira leaving him behind while he was being harassed by two older men, and laughing about it later. It was about how Ann constantly reminded him of how disgusting and unattractive he was, and how he would never find someone who would love him. It was about how they made sure he knew that the way they treated him was his own fault.

Even someone with a self-esteem as low as he would reach their limit at some point, and that afternoon had been it. He had taken a hit for Akira… He was hurt and in pain, but Morgana still thought it was a good time to make a joke about how he was “wasting his magic on stupid Ryuji, since all he was good at was hurting himself”. Maybe because of the pain, or maybe because of those many repressed feelings he had been carrying for months, but he couldn’t hold it inside his chest anymore. He yelled at the cat, letting out his frustrations on how they had been treating him.

Thinking about it, it had been partially his fault… He knew he shouldn’t have raised his voice, but it had been stronger than him. Still, every single one of his friends took Morgana’s side, accusing him of overreacting and being immature. Had it been so wrong of him to get angry at them? No matter how many times he thought about it, it seemed _unfair_ … What was he doing so wrong to deserve to be treated like that? He took hits for them, tried to cheer them up when they seemed down, and even let them make fun of him if it meant they had a way to deal with everything they were going through. He was fine with being the clown of the group, as long as it meant he had a place among them.

But he didn’t. Now he had finally realized it: other than getting injured in their places and hitting things with his weapon, he meant nothing for them.

Ryuji sighed, those thoughts making his chest tighten. He had spent those long past minutes walking aimlessly on Shibuya, trying to distract himself from the events from earlier that day without success, but now his bad leg was starting to complain. He walked to a bench in a quieter area, sitting there, lowering his head. _Damn, he felt like crying_ … No matter how many times he told himself he had reasons to be mad, part of his brain kept blaming him for how things had turned out, reminding him of how much he had sounded like his old man when he raised his voice, and that it wasn’t surprising that everyone hated him because of it.

_Shut up…_

He gritted his teeth, trying to push those thoughts away, then raised his head again, in time to see someone in a black hoodie watching him from a small distance. To his surprise, the person approached him, offering a polite smile.

“I thought you looked familiar,” he said.

Ryuji recognized that voice, but needed a second to realize who it belonged to. The person before him, wearing those casual clothes and fake glasses, looked nothing like the usual, sparkling Detective Prince, Goro Akechi.

“Oh…” said Ryuji in an unamused tone. “Almost didn’t recognize you like that.”

Goro let out a small, slightly forced chuckle.

“Let’s say I’m not on a good day to interact with my fans,” he explained.

“You came to the right place, then.”

“How brutally honest…” Goro observed him for a moment, as if considering what to do next. “Mind if I join you?”

The question took Ryuji by surprise, but he tried not to let it show on his face. He gestured vaguely toward the bench.

“Go ahead.”

Goro sat beside him, keeping a small distance between them. For a while, both of them stayed silent.

“You look troubled,” said Goro, finally. “Did something happen?”

“I didn’t steal anythin’, if that’s what you’re worried about.”

His answer made Goro raise his eyebrow.

“Is this a common concern about you?”

“Well…” Ryuji shrugged. “Got asked that a few times before.”

Again, the silence started to grow between them. Ryuji was willing to ignore it, but the situation started to make him feel a little restless.

“Why are you talkin’ to me?” he asked.

Goro didn’t answer immediately, and, judging by his expression, Ryuji concluded that he wasn’t sure himself.

“I don’t know…” admitted Goro. “I suppose I just needed to talk to someone without… acting. Does it make sense?”

Ryuji didn’t expect someone like Goro Akechi to admit that pleasant personality of his was an act. Those words made him think: maybe the guy was _really_ going through something bad.

“Yeah…” he said, making sure to use a softer tone. “Guess it gets pretty tiring after a while.”

Goro looked at him, a little taken aback.

“Aren’t you surprised to hear that?” he asked.

“No way, man.” Ryuji dismissed the idea with a gesture of his hand. “It was pretty obvious that your prince charming act was fake as fuck.”

“Is that so…?”

He lowered his gaze, and Ryuji couldn’t tell what was going through his mind. Maybe it would be a good idea to change the subject.

“Still…” he proceeded in a slightly provoking tone. “For you to be talkin’ to random punks on the street, you should be really lonely.”

“I am.”

An honest answer was the last thing he expected to hear. He observed Goro’s face for a moment, unsure of how to proceed. Usually, he would be cautious around someone like Goro, but something in his expression made Ryuji want to be honest with him as well—at least as honest as he could.

“Guess that makes it two of us,” he murmured.

“What about your friends?”

That question hurt more than he expected. Somehow, he managed to keep a calm tone when he answered.

“I don’t think I can call them my friends anymore.”

His words made Goro widen his eyes.

“Why not?” he asked.

“I don’t think they want me around.”

Goro didn’t answer for a while, seeming hesitant. Ryuji was starting to wonder if he had said something weird when he finally broke the silence.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

Ryuji blinked, unsure if he had heard that right. Why would someone like Goro make an offer like that? _Was he being sarcastic? Would he use it against Ryuji later?_ Ryuji didn’t think that was the case, but it still seemed a little weird.

“You sure you ain’t just tryin’ to arrest a dumb delinquent?” he asked with a forced grin.

“I assure you that’s not the case,” answered Goro in a calm tone. “I just want to talk.”

Once again, he sounded honest. Ryuji considered it for a moment. _Well, why not?_ It wasn’t like keeping his feelings hidden had done him any good before. Besides, he felt that, if he didn’t let it out at least a little bit, he would suffocate on his own negative thoughts.

“You’ll probably think it’s stupid, but…” he took a deep breath. “A guy like me doesn’t get many friends, y’know? So, when they allowed me into their group, I…” He hesitated for a second. “This is gonna sound dumb, but I felt like I found a place for myself.”

“I don’t think it’s dumb,” answered Goro with a brief gesture. “Please, go on.”

Ryuji nodded, taking a moment to organize his thoughts before proceeding.

“But then I realized that, no matter how much I tried to be a good friend and help everyone, it was never enough. I don’t know…” He shifted in the same place, fidgeting with the end of his t-shirt. “Maybe I’m really on the wrong here, but… Sometimes, it felt like I was nothing but the butt of all jokes to them. If I did somethin’ good, I never got thanked for it, and if I messed up, even if just a little, everyone would get mad or make fun of me. ‘What else did you expect from Ryuji?’, and shit like that.” He made a pause, lowering his tone. “I tried to ignore a bunch of stuff. I mean, my own best friend left me alone while I was bein’ harassed by these older dudes, and then turned it into a joke.” Something twisted painfully inside his chest. “Actually, he turns everythin’ into a joke… Even if I get hurt, he’ll just laugh it off. I tried not to think too much about it before, but now it’s…”

He stopped talking, realizing that he was probably sounding like a whiny little kid, talking shit about his friends after a fight.

“Sorry…” he sighed. “I must sound like an asshole now.”

“Why would you?”

Ryuji averted his gaze.

“I know I should be thankful they even let me stay around,” he muttered. “They’re all so amazing, and I… all I can do is mess things up.” He hesitated a little before proceeding. “But still, I wish they… I don’t know… I wish I meant something to them. Like, if I got hurt, I wish they’d get worried instead of annoyed.”

_Fuck, it just sounded more childish the more he talked about it…_ If Goro wasn’t judging him before, he certainly was _now_. Ryuji groaned to himself, frustrated.

“Shit,” he muttered, “this sounds so pathetic when I say it out loud…”

Goro simply observed him for a moment, without a word. When he finally spoke, however, his tone didn’t carry any judgment.

“No, it’s understandable that you feel this way,” he said. “I wouldn’t have imagined this by looking at your group, though… You seemed to be good friends.”

Ryuji nodded, still feeling a little uncomfortable with himself—he probably had complained enough for a single day, or maybe the entire week. He looked at Goro, and couldn’t help but feel that he had judged the guy too harshly before. He had been nice enough to listen to his problems, and Ryuji felt that the least he could do for him was to return that kindness.

“But how about you?” he asked. “What’s botherin’ you?”

Goro let out a long, exhausted sigh.

“It’s complicated.”

“Well, you heard me whinin’ just now, so, y’know…” Ryuji gestured briefly toward him. “If talkin’ about it will make you feel at least a little better, I’d be glad to lend an ear.”

His words made Goro meet his gaze, seeming to consider the proposal for a while. Ryuji almost expected him to refuse it, but, instead, he nodded, leaning forward, using his knees as support for his elbows, resting his chin over his crossed fingers, letting his gaze fall to the ground in front of him.

“I’ve worked for years with a single objective in mind,” he said. “I thought I’d finally be happy when I got to that point, but… The closer I get to it, the more miserable I feel.”

“Is this about bein’ a detective, an’ all that?” asked Ryuji.

“In a way.”

His dismissive answer made Ryuji think that there was more to it, but he chose not to question him.

“Why don’t you stop it, then?” he asked, instead.

Goro slightly twisted his lips, as if that idea was enough to make him feel uncomfortable.

“I don’t know if I can,” he muttered.

“Why not?”

“If I do, I feel like the past few years, and everything I did to get here, will have been for nothing.”

Ryuji furrowed his brow at that answer.

“So what?” he asked. “Won’t it be worse if you keep goin’, and this keeps hurtin’ you?”

Goro stayed silent, probably taking his words in. Then, he finally shook his head.

“I’m scared of regretting it,” he admitted.

The pain in his voice made Ryuji’s chest tighten. He knew nothing about that guy, and still… at that moment, he wished he could make him feel better, even if just a little. He considered his words before speaking again.

“But if this hurts you so much, I don’t think it’s worth it.” He made a small pause. “If you stop now, you could still find somethin’ else that’s important to you, but if you stay like this, then… You’ll just keep hurtin’ yourself until you can’t take it anymore.”

Goro opened his mouth, but took a moment to actually answer.

“I know you’re right…” he muttered. “But it’s still difficult.”

“Yeah…” Ryuji lowered his gaze. “I know it’s easy to say stuff like this when it ain’t about you. But I mean it. You’re a pretty smart guy, so I’m sure you’d do well in pretty much anythin’ you try.”

His words made a slight smile take Goro’s lips.

“Thanks for the compliment,” he said.

“Don’t make me regret it.” Ryuji forced an annoyed sigh. “Seriously though… You should think about it. Whatever it is, I’m sure it ain’t worth makin’ yourself miserable over it.”

“Maybe not…”

Goro kept his gaze on the floor for a while, his mind seeming far from there. Ryuji chose not to interrupt his thoughts.

“I’ll think about your words,” said Goro, finally.

“Good to hear.”

Ryuji offered him a smile, then stood up from the bench. Talking with someone served to make him feel a little better—besides, he had spent enough time walking around and feeling sorry for himself.

“I should be goin’ back now,” he said. “I still need to make dinner before my mom gets home.”

Goro showed a slight grin.

“What a responsible son…” he said.

“Shut it.”

Despite his answer, Ryuji didn’t feel annoyed at Goro, especially after seeing such an unexpected side of him. Before he could say anything else, however, Goro spoke again.

“So…” He looked Ryuji in the eyes. “Sakamoto, right?”

“Yeah.”

“If it’s not a problem for you, could we exchange numbers?” Goro lowered his tone. “Right now, you’re the only one who knows about this side of me, so…”

He seemed slightly embarrassed about that request, and Ryuji couldn’t hold back a smile: seeing that kind of expression on a guy like him was kind of cute.

“Alright,” he said, taking his phone.

Ryuji’s casual response made Goro relax again. In a second, the two of them exchanged numbers, and it crossed Ryuji’s mind that, now, countless people would be willing to murder him to put their hands on his phone.

“Thank you,” said Goro.

“No need to thank me for that.” Ryuji smiled, raising his hand to offer him a brief wave. “I’ll see you later, then.”

Goro returned the smile.

“Be careful on your way back,” he said.

“You too,” answered Ryuji.

He made his way back to the train station, and it didn’t take long for his leg to start to complain again. He would have to do something about it when he got home, or walking to school on the next day would be a nightmare.

As soon as he got inside the train, his thoughts shifted back to Goro. That had been a surprisingly pleasant encounter… Under those fancy clothes and fake smile, he was pretty much a normal guy, and when Ryuji thought about it, it wasn’t surprising that his fame could be suffocating. He wasn’t sure if Goro would really come to contact him again, but the idea didn’t bother him. That thought made a slight smile take his lips.

His phone buzzed, calling his attention. He looked at the screen, and the smile immediately vanished from his face.

**Akira: Meeting tomorrow at the Leblanc?**

Of course… Talking to Goro about his problems hadn’t automatically fixed them. He was still hurt by his group’s actions, and they probably still thought he was immature. Before that day, he would probably cry his frustrations out during the night, then bury his feelings behind a cheerful smile. But now…

Ryuji bit his lip, that conversation from minutes before back to his mind. Wasn’t he being a hypocrite, saying all those things to Goro when he didn’t follow his own advice?

He looked at the screen again, then, with a sigh, typed his short answer.

**Ryuji: Ok.**

He knew he shouldn’t let things stay like that… He knew he should do something about it, even if the consideration alone was enough to make him feel anxious. He knew what he should do, but it didn’t mean it would be easy.

Ryuji looked away from the screen, placing the phone back in his pocket, trying to control his growing anxiety at least until he got home.

He wasn’t looking forward to that meeting.

* * *

“I’m quittin’ the Phantom Thieves.”

Despite having spent most of the previous night awake, thinking about what to say when that moment finally came, it didn’t make going through with it any easier. Everyone turned their faces to look at him, surprised.

“You’re kidding, right?” asked Akira.

For a second, Ryuji had to fight back the urge to say “yes” and just laugh it off.

“No,” he said, instead.

The group exchange some glances, seeming unsure of how to react.

“Are you really _that_ upset over what Mona said?” Akira raised his eyebrow. “It was just a joke.”

_Just a joke… When it involved Ryuji, everything was just a joke for them, wasn’t it?_

“It ain’t just that,” muttered Ryuji.

“What is it, then?”

He opened his mouth to answer, but was unable to say anything. Would anything good come from telling them how he truly felt? When he did it to his old man, he ended up in the hospital with a concussion and a broken arm. When he did it to Kamoshida, he ended up with an injury that would probably never heal for good. When he did it to his old teammates, they beat him up to their hearts’ content while his best friend watched in silence. He didn’t want to know what would happen if he was dumb enough to try it for a fourth time.

“Nevermind,” he muttered.

Akira raised his eyebrow in disbelief, then looked at the others in search of support.

“Ryuji,” said Makoto in a dry tone, “this isn’t some after-school activity that you can just quit when you get tired of it. We’re doing something serious.”

“I know,” answered Ryuji, unable to look at her. “But I’m just slowin’ you guys down, ain’t I?”

“With the way you’re acting right now?” she answered. “Yes, you are. We don’t have time for silly quarrels like this.”

He knew that was how they felt about him, but it was still painful to hear.

“That’s why I decided to leave,” he explained in a low, calm voice. “I tried to be a good Phantom Thief, but I can’t. I just ain’t like you guys. I think that me bein’ around right now is only makin’ things worse for me and for you.”

“Didn’t you say you want to help people, though?” asked Yusuke.

That question made his stomach turn. The worst part of it all was the idea of losing the place he thought he had, but, other than that, letting go of the idea of making a difference had been the worst part. It wasn’t only about helping people—though it did play a big part in it,—but also about proving to himself that even someone like him could do something good.

“I want to,” he said. “But I…”

Again, the words froze on his tongue. He wasn’t even sure of what he was about to say… _I want to, but I’m not strong enough to deal with all this? I want to, but I don’t feel like I belong here? I want to, but the way you treat me has become too painful for me to deal with? I want to, but even being around you is bringing back things about me that I hate?_

“I can’t do this anymore,” he said instead, not louder than a whisper.

His answer was followed by a loud sigh from Akira.

“You’re being really selfish, you know?” he asked. “I thought you were better than this.”

Ryuji showed a small, humorless smile.

“Yeah,” he said. “You’re probably right.”

“Is that really all you have to say?” asked Morgana.

He hesitated for a moment, unsure of how to respond until something crossed his mind.

“You don’t need to worry,” he said. “I won’t tell anyone about you.”

“Really?” asked Akira. “This is it?”

Ryuji didn’t know what they wanted to hear, and those judging gazes only made the anxiety grow in his chest. Ann, who had been silent until that moment, let out a loud, frustrated groan.

“Just let him do as he pleases,” she said in a loud voice, gesturing toward Ryuji. “If he wants to leave, then so be it!”

“Lady Ann…” Morgana stopped himself, then looked at Ryuji, narrowing his eyes. “No, I think she’s right. If you’re not serious about being a Phantom Thief, then you should leave. There’s no place for someone like you in our team.”

“Isn’t it a little sudden, though?” asked Yusuke.

“Who cares?” retorted Ann, crossing her arms and looking away from him. “Just go away already!”

Ryuji felt like he should say something, but he didn’t think he could. Instead, he simply nodded, stepping away from them and toward the stairs.

“Coward…”

Ann murmured that word loudly enough for him to hear it as he started to make his way downstairs. Sojiro looked at him from behind the counter, raising his eyebrow in slight surprise.

“Are you leaving already?” he asked.

Ryuji looked at him. If everything had happened just two weeks before, he wouldn’t have left the group, no matter how bad things got for him. But Sojiro’s daughter was safe now, recovering in her bedroom, so Ryuji shouldn’t have any regrets.

“Yeah.” He forced a smile. “Thanks for having me, boss.”

“Ah…” Sojiro seemed taken aback by his sudden politeness. “Yes, of course.”

Ryuji carried that smile until he closed the door behind his back. Resisting the urge to look over his shoulder, at the window of Akira’s bedroom, he walked away from that place, keeping his eyes on the ground.

_Shit… That hurt. That hurt so fucking much… He knew he was the one who chose to leave, but…_

He briefly shut his eyes, then hastened his steps until he was almost running back to the station. His leg complained, but he ignored it, needing to get away from that familiar area as quickly as he could. His heart was racing in a painful way, and a slight burning sensation filled his dry throat with every breath. He was forced to stop when he reached the station, and without the movement to distract his mind, the thoughts started to fill it, one after the other.

_What was he even supposed to do now?_ He had been ready to give up on school—and maybe even more than that—before he met Akira. Becoming a Phantom Thief had given his life the meaning it lacked since he left the track team on the previous year, but now, he was back to nothing… No goals, no friends, not even a single redeeming quality… Nothing.

He sat on a bench, as far away from the few people on the station as he could. _Other than running and hitting shadows, what was he good at? What else could he do?_ He tried to think of an answer, but nothing came to his mind. He was fucking dumb, so he knew that, without a sports scholarship, he didn’t have a chance at getting into college. With his bad leg, he could also give up on anything sports-related. He had been fine with the idea of being just a common guy with a shitty job as long as he had something like the Phantom Thieves to give him a bigger reason to keep going, but now…

The thought made his stomach turn, as if only now he was starting to realize that he wasn’t a Phantom Thief anymore. A cold sensation took his entire body, similar to the one he felt when he was at that hospital bed, after the surgery in his leg, hearing his mother apologize for something he knew had been his own fault.

Maybe… Maybe he was the bad guy in all that. He blamed the others for treating him like shit, but… What if he actually deserved it? What if he had turned himself into a victim in his head because he couldn’t face the fact that, maybe, he was a bad person.

_No… He wasn’t. He couldn’t be. He made sure to be as good as he could every single day… A good son, a good friend… He was good, wasn’t he? He tried so hard to become a better person… It wasn’t all for nothing, was it?_

The more he thought about it, the more he doubted his own words. He didn’t want to believe it, but his old man was probably right… He was a good for nothing piece of shit who ruined everything he touched. _My life would be so much better if you were never born!_ Yes… It probably would. Maybe his old man wouldn’t have started to drink, and would still be the kind man he barely remembered from his early childhood. His mother would still be happy. The two of them would. _You should just make me a favor and jump in front of a fucking train_. Yes… Maybe he really should.

Ryuji gritted his teeth. He didn’t want to think about those things again, not when it took so much effort to take them out of his mind. He tried to push them away, but they refused to leave, becoming louder after each failed attempt.

_You’re a good for nothing—_

No, he wasn’t! There should be something he could—

_It’s your own fault that I’m doing this to—_

It wasn’t! He was just a kid! He couldn’t have—

_It seems like I was right about you, Sakamoto… Like father, like—_

He wasn’t! He was nothing like his old man! He was—

Those thoughts filled his mind faster than he could push them away. _I didn’t think someone could be this incompetent._ He felt sick. _Another healing item wasted on Skull…_ It was difficult to breathe. _Who in their right mind would ever like you?_ He didn’t want to hear it anymore. _There’s no place for someone like you in our team._ He just wanted it to stop.

The sound of a train approaching filled his ears. _You should just make me a favor and jump in front of a fucking train._ Wouldn’t that solve everything? _No, stop thinking about it!_ Maybe it would hurt less than being hit by a shadow. _It didn’t matter!_ Just a second, and…

Ryuji leaned forward, hugging his own arms as strongly as he could. _Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Stop…_

The feeling of his phone buzzing in his pocket brought him back to reality. Instinctively, Ryuji took it, looking at the screen. _Akechi_ … It took his mind a second to associate the name to the person. He knew he should refuse the call, but, for some reason, his finger slid through the screen in the opposite direction, taking it instead. He brought the phone to his ear, hearing that familiar voice on the other side.

“ _Sakamoto?”_ said Goro. _“I’m sorry for calling you so suddenly… Are you free now?”_

He asked that in such a casual tone that, for a moment, Ryuji didn’t know how to respond.

“Why…?”

“ _Well,”_ proceeded Goro, _“talking to you yesterday helped clear my mind a little. I thought I could treat you to something as a thank you. Is that fine with you?”_

Ryuji tried to answer, but the words got stuck in his throat. His silence seemed to worry Goro.

“ _Is something wrong?”_ he asked.

“No…” answered Ryuji. “It’s alright.”

“ _Are you sure?”_

The slight concern in his voice was enough to make something crack inside of Ryuji. If he opened his mouth again, he knew he would start crying in public, and that was the last thing he wanted at that moment. Goro waited for a few seconds, then, without an answer, proceeded.

“ _Where are you right now?”_

Ryuji thought that his persistent silence would make Goro hang up, but, instead, he spoke again seconds later, in a gentle tone.

“ _Can you meet me at Shibuya?”_ he asked. _“Same place as last time?”_

Ryuji took a deep breath, making an effort to utter that short answer before hanging up.

“Okay.”

He got inside the next train, taking an empty seat. His hands were shaking a lot, and he felt lightheaded, but he managed to stay focused on the small light on the stations’ map, watching as it got closer to the dot representing Shibuya, until it finally arrived. He walked out of the station, needing to force his memory to remember the place he was supposed to go. Thankfully, he soon recognized Goro sitting on a bench, approaching him.

“There you are…” said Goro. “Take a seat.”

Ryuji opened his mouth, but ended up simply nodding in response, doing as Goro suggested. He kept his gaze on the ground, but could tell Goro had his eyes on him.

“Can you tell me what’s bothering you?” asked Goro after a while.

Before Ryuji could even think of an answer, a wide, cheerful smile took his lips. It was stronger than him: a habit too old and too automatic for him to simply let go of. When he spoke, his voice tone was casual, with nothing more but a hint of disappointment in it.

“It’s just… it’s official now,” he said. “I don’t have friends anymore.”

Saying it out loud seemed to make the situation more real, like a weight in his stomach. Goro widened his eyes.

“What happened?” he asked.

Ryuji bit the inside of his lip, trying to find a way to summarize it without giving any information he shouldn’t.

“I just thought about all the stuff I said to you, and…” He shifted in the same place, uncomfortable. “I realized I was doin’ the same thing. I knew bein’ close to them would just make everythin’ worse to all of us, but I was too scared of bein’ alone again. So, I just gathered my courage and talked to them. Ended things before it got more difficult.”

Part of him feared Goro would ask him the details, leading him to say something stupid. But, thankfully, he didn’t.

“I’m sorry it came to that point,” said Goro.

“It’s okay.” Ryuji gave a small shrug. “I should’ve known from the start this would happen at some point… It was still pretty hard to actually do it, though.”

“Did you tell them the reason?”

The question caught him by surprise, making him look at Goro.

“‘Course not!” he said.

“Why?” Goro furrowed his brow. “They should know that their actions hurt you.”

“I…” He averted his gaze, lowering his voice. “I couldn’t.”

“They didn’t give you a chance to speak?”

“That ain’t it.” Ryuji let out a brief sigh. “I just couldn’t tell them. But it doesn’t matter… It was mostly my own fault, anyway.”

“From what you told me, I don’t think it was,” Goro thought for a second. “If anything, it sounded like your friendship was a one-sided effort from your part.”

Those words hit him like a punch to the guts. It… It was the truth, wasn’t it? The time they spent together outside of the Metaverse was never about what _he_ wanted or liked… It was always about him buying food for Akira and Yusuke, or carrying Ann’s bags when she went shopping. Whenever he suggested a place for them to go, suddenly everyone was too busy to accompany him. They didn’t even make an effort to make him feel like part of their group of friends… He was there to be useful, by protecting them in the Metaverse, and doing favors for them in the real world.

_No, it wasn’t like that…_ The more he tried to say it to himself, the more examples of that behavior came to his mind. In the beginning, Akira would frequently spend time with him, but, as soon as Yusuke and Makoto joined them, their afternoons together became less and less common. Ryuji had told himself that it was because he was busy with other things, but, when he gave it a little more thought, maybe Akira only spent time with him because he was lonely. Now that he had better friends around, why should he even care about a loser like him? The only reason he still kept Ryuji around was because of his persona.

Those thoughts made his stomach turn. _He was probably exaggerating… Things always seemed much worse when he was sad._

But was that really an exaggeration?

“That’s… probably true.”

His answer sounded much weaker than he hoped. Goro looked at his face, slightly leaning in his direction.

“Sakamoto?” he said. “Are you alright?”

Goro’s gentle voice was what made him finally shatter. He leaned forward, crossing his arms over his knees, burying his face in them. He didn’t want to cry, especially not in public, but the tears came before he could do anything to stop them.

“I don’t know what to do…” he mumbled between sobs. “They were the only thing I thought I had… The only good thing in my fuckin’ life! And I… I messed everythin’ up… I should’ve been better, but… I didn’t know what else to do… Nothing seemed to be enough…”

_Shit…_ Why was he saying all of that to someone he barely knew? It just came out of his mouth all at once.

“Sorry…” he muttered. “Shit… I’m sorry… I’m so sorry…”

“It’s fine,” answered Goro in a low voice. “Don’t worry.”

The more he tried to control his sobs, the worse they seemed to become. He felt Goro move slightly closer, placing a hand on his back.

“Do you want to go somewhere quieter?” he asked, slightly hesitant.

Ryuji nodded. Usually, he would be more cautious about that kind of proposal, but he just wanted to get out of there. Goro guided him while he kept his gaze low, and they entered a taxi. The minutes passed, and just as he was managing to control that breakdown, Goro informed him that they had arrived. Ryuji took a look around, realizing he was in a pleasant neighborhood, in front of the gates to what seemed to be an upper-class condominium.

“Where are we?” he asked.

“It’s alright,” said Goro. “I live here.”

He followed Goro inside, taking the elevator to the fifth floor. Goro opened the door, and soon Ryuji saw himself inside a spacious studio apartment.

“Sit down,” said Goro, gesturing toward the couch. “I’ll get you something to drink.”

Ryuji didn’t protest. Goro walked to his kitchen, just a few meters away, and took two cups from a cabinet.

“Tea or hot chocolate?” he asked.

“Hot chocolate.”

A few minutes later, Goro was sitting beside Ryuji, placing both cups on the coffee table in front of them. Ryuji took one, and when he looked at that beverage a brief movie played in his head, where his drink was actually poisoned, and the last words he heard from Goro were “I got you, Phantom Thief!”. He took a large sip— _at least his last drink would be a sweet one… It would be a terrible way to go if it was coffee, or some other bitter shit like that._ Goro’s low voice soon brought him back from his silly delusions.

“Have you calmed down a little?”

Ryuji looked at him, still unsure of how to deal with that unexpected kindness.

“Yeah…” he said, hesitating for a moment before continuing. “Listen, I… I didn’t mean to lose it like that.”

“I told you it’s alright.”

Ryuji nodded, lowering his gaze to his hot chocolate.

“Hey…” he said after a while. “I know I just caused you a lot of trouble, but… Thanks for bringin’ me here.”

“Don’t worry about it,” answered Goro. “Just, please, don’t share my address on the internet.”

He said that in a playful tone, but Ryuji had the impression there was a hint of actual concern in his voice.

“No way…” he answered in that same playful tone. “I like the idea of bein’ the only one who knows… Makes me feel special.”

His response made Goro seem slightly relieved.

“Just don’t let it get to your head,” he said.

Ryuji smiled at him, then looked away again. He was thankful that Goro had brought him there, but that situation still made him feel uncomfortable—despite now it being less from distrust and more for feeling like a nuisance.

“I’ll repay you for the—”

“Don’t even think about that,” Goro interrupted him. “If it bothers you, see it as a compensation for how I approached you out of the blue yesterday, and you still heard me.”

“You did it for me first,” reminded Ryuji.

“But I did nothing to help you.” Goro looked him in the eyes. “You, on the other hand, gave me something to think about.”

Ryuji shook his head.

“It was nothing.”

“It definitely was _something_ for me,” retorted Goro.

“If you say so.”

The conversation seemed to end there. Ryuji started to consider if it would be better for him to take his leave already, when Goro’s voice called his attention once again.

“Are you hungry?” he asked. “I can buy us something to eat.”

Was he looking _that_ miserable, for Goro to do so much for him?

“You don’t need to do this,” said Ryuji.

Goro let out a small sigh, offering him a half-smile.

“See this as me finding excuses to keep you here a while longer,” he said.

Ryuji didn’t know what to make of those words.

“Are you _that_ lonely?” he asked, forcing a small chuckle.

“Perhaps.” Goro shrugged. “Or maybe I just realized I enjoy your company.”

This time, Ryuji had to make an effort to not actually laugh.

“Dude… Really?” He raised his eyebrow in disbelief. “I did nothin’ but complain and cry.”

He half expected Goro to retort in a similar manner. Instead, he kept his gaze low, seeming deep in thought.

“You know…” said Goro after a while. “When I interact with other people, I feel like I’m not the only one pretending to be someone else. Maybe because of my fame, but I feel like it’s rare for others to be honest with me.” He made a pause, then risked a glance at Ryuji. “You don’t treat me like I’m different from anyone else, so… I feel comfortable dropping my act around you.”

His honest answer caught Ryuji off-guard.

“I’m glad you do,” he said.

“So, stop apologizing,” asked Goro. “And, please, let me treat you to dinner.”

Ryuji couldn’t hold back a slight smile at those words.

“Fine,” he said. “I’m gettin’ kinda hungry, anyway… Probably ‘cause of how much I cried.”

“You get hungry when you cry?”

“Yeah, sometimes,” Ryuji chuckled. “Don’t you?”

“I never paid attention to it.”

Goro reached for his phone, taking their orders. Ryuji observed him, a warm sensation growing in his chest.

“Y’know…” he said. “I used to think you were pretty annoying.”

“Well, that’s reassuring,” answered Goro, without looking away from the screen.

Ryuji smiled to himself.

“But,” he proceeded, “actually, you’re a pretty nice guy.”

He didn’t expect his words to make Goro laugh.

“Probably not as nice as you think,” he murmured.

That answer made Ryuji furrow his brow, confused.

“Why not?”

Goro didn’t answer for a while, seeming hesitant. He raised his eyes from the screen, meeting Ryuji’s gaze.

“Can you keep a secret?” he asked.

The seriousness in his voice worried Ryuji a little.

“Yeah,” he said. “Of course.”

Goro placed his phone on the coffee table, taking a moment to organize his thoughts.

“I’m not as good of a detective as people think,” he said. “Everything they know about me is either an exaggeration, or completely made up.” He sighed. “To put it bluntly… everything about my current life is a lie.”

Ryuji blinked, certainly not expecting a declaration like that.

“Well…” he said, more to give himself time to think of an answer. “I don’t know how much about that is true, and how much is just you doubtin’ yourself. But whatever…” He offered Goro a smile. “You helped me and are treatin’ me to dinner, so you’re still a pretty nice guy to me.”

His answer made Goro furrow his brow.

“Are you really going to ignore everything I just told you?” he asked.

“To be honest, I don’t give a shit about how good of a detective you actually are,” answered Ryuji. “But now I can understand better why it’s hurtin’ you so much, and that’s what really bothers me.”

Goro stayed silent for a while, then finally nodded.

“To be fair, I really liked the attention in the beginning,” he admitted. “But, deep inside, I always knew I didn’t deserve any of it… The person everyone loved wasn’t me, and they admired this fake detective for things he didn’t deserve any credit for. I knew it was wrong, but I still kept all those lies going, because…”

He stopped talking, averting his gaze.

“Because…?” Ryuji encouraged him.

It took Goro some time to continue, seeming unsure if he should keep talking or not. When he finally spoke again, his voice was no more than a mutter.

“I lost my mother when I was really young, and never met my father. After that, I went from foster family to foster family, without ever adapting to any of them.” He made a pause, shifting in the same place before continuing. “Then, when I was fourteen, a powerful man gave me a chance to change my life, become someone people would love and admire. That was everything I wanted… To be loved by as many people as possible, even if it was something as shallow as this.”

Ryuji observed him for a long while, speechless.

“I had no idea you went through all that,” he murmured.

“The man I talked about made sure people wouldn’t know about it,” explained Goro. “I didn’t want them to, either. I just wanted to live another life.”

Despite how different their situations were, Ryuji could understand that feeling. He looked at Goro, considering it for a moment before moving closer, placing his arm around his shoulders. Goro tensed up a little, but didn’t move away.

“What is it?” he asked in a low voice.

“I just… I can’t even imagine all the pain you went through.” He made a pause, gently squeezing Goro’s shoulder. “Thanks for tellin’ me.”

Goro stayed silent for a long while.

“I never talked about this to anyone before,” he admitted. “I’m just glad I can finally let all of this out of my chest.”

“That’s good to know.”

Their food arrived a few minutes later, and they ate without saying much else. When it started to get late, Ryuji decided to go back home. Goro accompanied him to the station, briefly explaining to him how to get back to Shibuya.

“Sakamoto…” said Goro before he crossed the turnstiles. “Can I contact you again?”

Ryuji offered him a smile.

“Whenever you feel like it.”

It didn’t take long for him to get home. He took a brief shower and made dinner, the events from earlier that day almost escaping his mind, at least until he realized he had no reason to make an extra portion of food for Yusuke anymore. The thought weighed in his chest, and Ryuji grabbed his headphones, blasting the music loud enough to fill his entire head with it. He managed to keep a cheerful expression when his mother arrived, and they spent some time together until she had to go to sleep.

Ryuji went back to his bedroom, and only noticed he had received two messages when he was already lying on his bed.

**Goro: Since you gave me permission…**

**Goro: Now I’ll bother you whenever I feel like it.**

His playful words made Ryuji smile.

_**Ryuji: Oh, fuck…** _

Since it had been a while since Goro sent him those messages, Ryuji wasn’t expecting a response, but his phone buzzed again instants later.

**Goro: I must inform you that it’s too late to regret it now.**

Did that guy have to be so dramatic about such a thing? Not that it bothered Ryuji—it was much better to talk with that playful Goro than the fake Detective Prince.

_**Ryuji: Ok, fine…** _

**_Ryuji: Just don’t forget that I can do the same to you._ **

**Goro: Looking forward to your uninvited annoyances.**

Again, his honesty was strangely endearing. In a way, it made Ryuji look forward to their next conversations.

_**Ryuji: Same here.** _

* * *

Going to school the next day wasn’t pleasant. He saw Akira and Ann on the corridor, and they immediately looked away from him. Not that he expected it to be any different. His day only got better when he received a message from Goro, inviting him to meet after class to eat something together. And that wasn’t the last time: it became a habit for them to spend their free time together, at first by eating somewhere or simply meeting at a quiet place to chat.

Weeks later, Goro invited Ryuji to his apartment again. He had been there before, but his mind was so out of it that he could barely remember the place. For example, he hadn’t noticed how unused Goro’s kitchen seemed to be. After pressing him a little, he admitted that he never cooked, and preferred to eat out or buy takeout. Obviously, Ryuji wasn’t about to let him keep eating like shit, so they came to an agreement: two times a week, Ryuji would bring him some homemade food, and, in exchange, Goro would be the one paying for his meal when they ate outside from then on.

Then, he invited Goro to his house. At first, Ryuji was sure he would reject the offer, but he didn’t. It was strange to think about it, but Ryuji felt much closer to Goro than he ever did to his former friends. Goro never dismissed his worries and opinions, and when Ryuji did or said something dumb, he would still laugh and tease him, but in a way that felt more out of fondness than annoyance. Ryuji wasn’t constantly embarrassed of being himself when they were together—something he never realized how much he wanted before.

That day, like many before, he spent the time after class in Goro’s apartment, using the chance to cook him a decent meal—with enough leftovers for Goro to eat the next day. Usually, he brought food from his home, but sometimes he liked to do it in Goro’s kitchen, and use the chance to show him how to do at least the basics.

“I think I’m gaining weight because of you,” commented Goro as they finished their meal.

Ryuji offered him a wide smile.

“Thanks!”

Goro looked at him, narrowing his eyes.

“That was a complaint, not a compliment…” he said.

“Nah, I’ll take it as a compliment.”

“Don’t you care about my public image?”

“Nope.” Ryuji shrugged, briefly gesturing toward Goro. “And that also makes you a softer pillow, so I ain’t complaining.”

“I don’t appreciate that comment.” Goro sighed. “But I’ll let it slide because it’s you.”

Ryuji looked at him, unable to hold back a smile.

“Oh…” he started to say in a provocative tone. “Does that mean I’m special to you?”

He expected another playful response, but, instead, Goro seemed to consider something for a moment.

“Do you promise you won’t laugh?” he asked.

“I promise to try my best.”

“That’s not reassuring, but what else did I expect?”

Goro lowered his gaze, taking a moment to think before speaking again.

“Right now,” he said, “you’re the closest thing I have to a friend.”

His words made Ryuji furrow his brow.

“Why would I laugh about that?” he asked. “You know it’s the same for me.”

Goro showed a half-smile.

“Do you see me as a friend?”

Ryuji looked at him in disbelief: they had been spending most of their afternoons together for over two months, and Goro still felt the need to ask him something like _that_? He had to control himself not to laugh.

“Can’t believe I gotta say this, but…” he showed him a smile. “Yeah, I do.”

Goro returned the smile, but soon covered it with a playful grin, in what Ryuji could already recognize as his way to hide his embarrassment.

“Interesting,” he said. “The famous Detective Prince, befriending a local punk.”

“Dude…” Ryuji laughed at the comment. “Can you imagine what they’d say if they saw us together? Imagine the drama…” He twisted his lips. “They’d probably think I’m bullying you, though.”

“Or that we’re going out,” answered Goro.

Ryuji forced a chuckle, pretending the comment didn’t affect him.

“I’d say your fans would try to kill me,” he said, without looking at Goro, “but hopefully my delinquent looks will keep them away.”

Goro’s grin widened.

“That if they don’t fall in love with you, instead.”

That suggestion was so absurd that Ryuji cackled.

“Yeah, no,” he said.

“Why not?” insisted Goro. “If you managed to steal the heart of the famous detective, why couldn’t the same happen to his fans?”

Again, Ryuji wished those jokes didn’t affect him as much as they did, but managed to keep his thoughts hidden behind a furrowed brow and a brief sigh.

“I’ll just pretend you weren’t sarcastic just now,” he said.

“I wasn’t, though,” answered Goro.

“Yeah, sure…”

His dismissive answer made Goro frown at him.

“You could at least pretend to believe me…” he complained.

“For you to make fun of me later?” Ryuji shook his head. “No, thanks.”

Goro didn’t answer, but made sure to slightly bump against Ryuji’s shoulder as they stood up. They washed the dishes together, then went to Goro’s bed, lying side by side. That casual proximity was something that had happened slowly, but without questioning from either of them; it began as small touches, then grew into lying together on the bed, resting their heads on each other’s lap, and, sometimes, even cuddling without making a big deal out of it. Sometimes, Ryuji had the impression there was something more—and unsaid—there, but never thought too much about it. He liked Goro’s presence too much to risk losing it over an assumption.

“Would you mind it?”

Goro’s voice brought him back to reality. Ryuji glanced at him, meeting his gaze.

“What?”

“If they got the wrong idea about us,” clarified Goro.

Ryuji simply looked at him for a moment, unsure of what to say.

“Well, I’m just a common guy,” he answered. “You should be the one worryin’ about it.”

Goro considered it briefly.

“I don’t think I would,” he said.

“Really?”

As a response, Goro simply looked into his eyes. The silence, as well as looking at his face in that small distance, made Ryuji’s heart do _something_ inside his chest. He opened his mouth, trying to think of something to say, but, before he could, Goro leaned forward, kissing his lips.

It was unexpected, but, somehow, it didn’t take him by surprise as much as he thought it would. As much as he could have doubted those signs, telling himself it was all a creation of his wishful mind, they were still there, clearer with each passing day. So, when Goro moved away, looking at him with nervous anticipation, instead of asking questions, Ryuji simply smiled at him before pulling him close again. Goro’s body relaxed a little, and he slowly moved on the bed without breaking the kiss, until his upper body was over Ryuji’s, his hand caressing the side of his neck. Ryuji placed a hand on his head, caressing his hair. _It was so soft…_

Goro broke the kiss, moving away just enough to be able to look at Ryuji’s face. Without thinking, Ryuji caressed his cheek, tucking his hair behind his ear.

“Is this your way of askin’ me out?” he whispered.

The question made Goro show a small smile.

“It depends…” he said. “Do you want it to be?”

“Maybe I do.”

“Then, maybe it is.”

Ryuji chuckled at that response, raising his eyebrow.

“Can’t you just give me a normal answer?”

Goro offered him a slight grin.

“I enjoy being complicated,” he said.

“I know.”

Taking that as Goro’s way of saying “yes”, Ryuji kissed him again, taking his time, enjoying the feeling of euphoria that new kind of proximity caused him.

* * *

Things seemed to be going well between the two of them, at least until that day. As soon as Ryuji arrived at their usual meeting place in Shibuya, he could tell something was wrong just by the look in Goro’s face.

“I need to talk to you,” said Goro as soon as Ryuji sat beside him.

Those words made his stomach turn.

“Is somethin’ wrong?” asked Ryuji.

Goro hesitated for a moment.

“I wouldn’t say that, but…”

“But…?”

By that point, Ryuji’s anxiety seemed about to overflow. The few seconds Goro took to answer seemed to last an eternity.

“Maybe this will change things between us.”

That phrase seemed to confirm his suspicions. _Goro was tired of him… He had enough of having him around, just like the others. He would disappear from his life, and Ryuji didn’t know how he would deal with that._ He had to make an effort to keep a calm face as all his fears started to overcome him.

“Why?” he asked. “What happened?”

Goro lowered his eyes, and then, to Ryuji’s confusion, took his phone out of his pocket, showing him the screen.

“You know what this is, don’t you?”

Ryuji furrowed his brow, unsure of what Goro meant with that until his gaze fell upon a familiar app. He widened his eyes, grabbing Goro’s phone to take a better look at it. There was no doubt: it was the Metaverse app. He raised his eyes to Goro, who didn’t look at his face.

“Why do you…?”

He interrupted himself as soon as he realized what admitting he recognized that app meant. Goro sighed, seeming tired.

“So, you really do…” he said.

Ryuji stared at him for a long time, trying to understand what it all meant. Suddenly, the pieces fell into place in his head.

“Wait…” murmured Ryuji. “You’re the black mask guy we heard about, ain’t you?”

Goro showed a small, humorless smile.

“Well,” he said, “I _do_ wear a black mask.”

Ryuji could do nothing but stare at him for a long time.

“Goro…” He made a pause, not even sure of what to say. “What the hell did you do?”

Goro took a deep breath, then looked at Ryuji, meeting his gaze.

“Can you give me a chance to explain it?” he asked.

Part of Ryuji wanted to question him _how in hell he was going to explain something like that,_ but he controlled himself. Goro wasn’t the only one who kept secrets between them, and, as bad as that situation could sound, Ryuji trusted him—he wanted to keep trusting him.

“Of course,” he said.

Goro let out his breath, nodding with a relieved expression.

“Shall we go there?” he asked in a low voice. “We’ll probably have more privacy to discuss something like this.”

Ryuji agreed. Making sure that no one was looking in their direction, Goro used that app to access the Metaverse, and, in an instant, his casual clothes gave place to a dark attire, with a black mask partially covering his face. They walked to an empty area close to the entrance to Mementos, where shadows wouldn’t interrupt them. Ryuji waited, but Goro didn’t speak for a long while.

“So,” said Ryuji in a low voice, taking off his mask, “what happened?”

Goro kept his gaze low. He hesitated for a moment, then also removed his mask, revealing his tired expression once again. Ryuji didn’t rush him, simply waiting until he was ready to talk.

“I’ve been working for a despicable man…” said Goro, finally. “Using the Metaverse to get rid of his enemies without a trace. To put it bluntly, I’m a murderer.”

His words felt like punches, but Ryuji didn’t say anything. Goro glanced at him, hesitant.

“Are you still willing to hear me?” he asked.

“Go on.”

Goro stayed silent for a moment, as if struggling with the words.

“He is the man I told you about before…” he proceeded. “Who made me a detective. His name is Masayoshi Shido, and he is more dangerous then you can probably imagine. I couldn’t list all of the terrible things he did, or that I did for him…” He made a brief pause. “For you to have an idea, he’s the man who sued Kurusu.”

That information caught Ryuji by surprise.

“Akira?” he said, before he could stop himself.

Goro nodded.

“He ruined many people’s lives because of small things like that,” he explained. “Kurusu was lucky to be just a teenager, or he would probably be in prison right now. That’s just how Shido…” Goro stopped, gritting his teeth. “But that’s irrelevant. The point is, me being a detective prodigy was just a facade. A way to help incriminate people who stood in his way, sure, but… my real purpose was to be his weapon in the Metaverse. To get rid of the people he couldn’t touch by usual means”

The more Goro spoke, the less real that entire situation seemed. Ryuji observed him, finding it difficult to believe that the person he had gotten so close to during those past few months had actually done something like that. _It sounded nothing like the Goro he knew._

“Why did you agree to that?” he asked.

Goro showed a pained smile, answering without looking at him.

“Because he is my father.”

Silence grew between them as Ryuji struggled to fully comprehend what he was saying.

“What…?”

“He doesn’t know about it, though,” proceeded Goro. “Still, that man destroyed my life. Because of him, my mother couldn’t find a proper job anywhere… She was always tired and sick, doing whatever she could to raise me.” He lowered his voice. “She died when I was still a kid, and after that, I lost any chance I had at being a normal person. No family wanted to deal with a problematic kid like me, and I wasn’t willing to trust them either. So, they just tossed me around, like some unwanted mongrel, while I blamed them and the rest of the world for everything. I just told myself I couldn’t trust anyone. That, if I did, they would hurt me or leave me, just like…”

He stopped himself, hugging his own arms.

“I know it wasn’t her fault…” he proceeded. “But, since her death, the only thing I’ve been able to think about was taking revenge on that man. Working for him was the way I found to gain his trust. I told myself I would wait until he had everything he wanted, and then I would take everything from him, just like he did to me.” He laughed humorlessly. “But I was full of shit. What I truly wanted was for him to… like me. I wanted a family, and he was the only one I still had. No matter how much I hated and despised him, I just couldn’t stop hoping that he would love me. But now I see how stupid and childish this is…”

His voice broke, and he didn’t try to keep talking. Ryuji simply looked at him for some time, as he thought about what he had just heard. Suddenly, all those doubts he had moments before seemed small in comparison to how painful it was to see Goro like that. He was usually so strong and confident, but now he seemed nothing but… hurt.

“Goro…”

He tried to place a hand on his shoulder, but Goro moved away before he could, inhaling sharply before looking at him with serious eyes.

“I need your help with something,” he said.

Ryuji was slightly taken aback by the change in his tone.

“What is it?” he asked.

“I want to kill Shido.”

He said that in a cold, determined voice that made a shiver go down Ryuji’s spine.

“Kill…?” he repeated.

“His shadow, I mean,” explained Goro. “I thought I could do anything in order to go through with this elaborate revenge plan, but I… I just want it to end already. I don’t want to follow his orders, or harm more people, or… I don’t want to be part of any of this anymore.”

Despite his effort to keep that serious facade, his voice started to crack again. He pretended not to notice it, looking into Ryuji’s eyes.

“I don’t expect your sympathy,” he added, “but if you help me, I could—”

Before he could hold it back any longer, Ryuji closed the distance between them, pulling Goro into a tight hug. Goro’s body tensed up, but he didn’t try to move away.

“What are you doing?” he asked. “I told you I don’t expect your sympathy.”

Ryuji didn’t answer—and he wouldn’t even know how to. All he wanted was to be able to take all that pain away from him, even if it meant he was the one feeling it instead.

“You don’t need to do this,” said Goro in a weak voice.

“Is it bad?”

Goro seemed about to say something, but stopped himself. His body relaxed a little, as he let out a long sigh,

“No…” he murmured. “Of course it isn’t.”

He placed his arms around Ryuji, burying his face on his shoulder. Ryuji put a hand in his head, gently caressing his hair, trying to convey as he could that, regardless of what had happened before, he was there for him _now_. He stayed silent for a long while, trying to organize his thoughts, but the more he tried to, the harder it seemed to become. Instead, he simply allowed his feelings to turn into words.

“Listen…” he said in a low voice. “I know you did bad things. But I also know how much all of this is hurtin’ you. You showed who you really are to me, and I love that person. I don’t care about what happened before, I just want you to stop hurtin’ like you are right now.”

“How can you forgive it so easily…?” muttered Goro. “I killed people!”

“I know.” Ryuji shut his eyes, his chest tightening at those words. “I know you did somethin’ terrible, and I wish things were different, but… I would be dead now if it wasn’t for you, so it doesn’t matter to me.”

He let out a heavy sigh, moving slightly away from Goro to look at his face.

“We can’t change what you did,” he said, holding his arms. “But we’ll find a way to make things right, okay? No matter what… We’ll think of something.”

Goro averted his gaze.

“I don’t know if we can…”

“We will,” assured Ryuji. “I don’t care what it is, or how long it takes… We’ll find a way.”

His determined answer made Goro look at him again, seeming slightly lost.

“Does that mean you’re still willing to stay with me?” he asked.

Ryuji didn’t answer immediately. He closed his eyes for a moment, taking a deep breath, making sure he was certain of his answer before saying it.

“For as long as you want me to.”

Goro looked at his face, the traces of doubt in his expression slowly fading away until there was nothing but pure relief left.

“You better not be just saying this,” he muttered.

Ryuji shook his head.

“I mean it.”

Goro shut his eyes, leaning against Ryuji’s body again, clinging to it as small sobs left his mouth.

“I’m sorry for dragging you into this,” he said.

“It’s fine. I’m glad you told me.”

“I was so scared to…” admitted Goro. “I was certain you wouldn’t forgive me… I wouldn’t even blame you if you didn’t.”

Instead of answering, Ryuji simply held him close, allowing him to just let all of those feelings out. Hear him crying was enough to make him hate the man who caused all that… Even if Goro agreed to it, he was nothing but a child when it all happened—worse, a child hoping for any form of affection from his only family. His actions were wrong—Ryuji would never deny it,—but Shido was still the one who chose to use a child as a weapon for his own benefit, until Goro reached his breaking point. He could forgive Goro’s mistakes, and stand by him for as long as it took for Goro to be able to do the same for himself, but that man… He could never forgive someone like him. _Never_.

As soon as Goro’s sobs stopped, Ryuji carefully moved away, kissing his forehead before looking into his eyes.

“Do you know where we can find his shadow?” he asked.

Goro nodded in response.

“Yes,” he said. “He has a palace.”

“Alright.” Ryuji offered him a slight smile. “We’ll do it when you’re ready, then.”

His words made Goro look at him, seeming more hesitant than surprised.

“Are you sure?” he asked. “I won’t blame you if you don’t want to do this.”

“I’m sure.”

Saying that, Ryuji reached for his hand, intertwining their fingers as he brought it to his lips, kissing it over that dark glove.

“I’m with you,” he said in an unwavering tone. “No matter what happens from now on, I’ll be with you.”

Goro simply looked at him for a moment. A tiny smile took his lips as he leaned forward, also kissing the back of Ryuji’s hand.

“And I’m with you,” he answered in that same tone. “Until the day I die.”

And Ryuji didn’t doubt those words.

* * *

They entered Shido’s palace that same week, doing nothing but getting more used to the place and learning of the obstacles they would have to overcome to reach his shadow. Unlike the Phantom Thieves, who just went with the flow and improvised their way through things, Goro preferred to be cautious, avoiding as many battles as he could. It took Ryuji some time to adjust to his way of acting, but he couldn’t deny that less confronts and ambushes made their progress much easier, despite it being only the two of them.

The second time they entered the palace, however, things started to go wrong as soon as they came across the cognitive version of Goro, who, to Shido, was nothing but an obedient, but disposable tool. According to it, Shido knew about their connection, and it made little difference: if anything, Goro being his son was just another reason to silence him after he served his purpose. Feeling his blood boil, Ryuji faced that copy beside Goro. It was a difficult fight, but the two still managed to defeat him together. The real problem was the impact that encounter had on Goro, who kept staring blankly at that fallen copy of himself. Ryuji placed himself between them, trying to block that view, but Goro didn’t even seem to notice it, his mind far away from there.

“Crow…” Ryuji gently called the codename they had agreed on. “Are you alright?”

He already knew the answer, but having Goro respond in any way was already a good thing. He looked at Ryuji, not saying anything for a while.

“So that was how he saw me?” he asked in a low voice.

His pained tone weighed in Ryuji’s chest. He placed a hand on Goro’s shoulder, looking at his face.

“You know you ain’t like that, right?” he asked in a careful tone. “That man is wrong about you.”

“Is he really, though?” asked Goro with a humorless chuckle. “I did everything he told me until now… If it wasn’t for you, I would probably have kept going until there was no turning back anymore. Maybe until he finally decided to get rid of me too.”

“But that didn’t happen,” protested Ryuji. “You chose to go against him. That’s why we’re here.”

“That’s what I thought too…” admitted Goro with a tired sigh. “But just being here is enough to almost make me panic. I want to find his shadow, but… I’m also scared of finding him. It’s ridiculous, but part of me just hopes I never do.” He shook his head, that sad smile back on his face. “I said all that about getting revenge, and putting an end to all this, but now… I’m terrified to go through with it.”

Ryuji looked at him in silence for some time, thinking.

“Are you sure you wanna kill him?” he asked.

Goro opened his mouth, but didn’t answer immediately.

“I don’t know,” he admitted. “I’m sorry…”

Ryuji gently squeezed his shoulder.

“It’s fine,” he assured, making a brief pause before continuing. “If you want to, we could do it as we did until now… The Phantom Thieves, I mean. Steal his heart. Make him regret everythin’ he did to you, an’ everyone else. In a way, I think that’s worse than dyin’ for a guy like him.”

Goro stayed quiet, probably considering the suggestion. He looked at Ryuji, still seeming unsure.

“What do you think I should do?” he asked.

“I don’t care about what happens to that man,” answered Ryuji. “I’m just worried about you, and how you’ll feel after this. He caused you enough pain already… I don’t want him to hurt you again, in any way.”

Again, Goro didn’t answer for a long time, and Ryuji didn’t try to rush him.

“Can we try it, then?” he finally asked in a low, slightly hesitant voice. “Stealing his heart?”

Ryuji offered him a smile.

“Sure.”

Goro tried to return it, but his anxiety was still clear. Ryuji placed a kiss on his face, and his smile became a little more sincere.

“So…” he said, looking at Ryuji. “I suppose I’ll be the one following your lead from now on.”

Ryuji nodded, already thinking of what they had to do next.

“Just leave it to me.”

* * *

It wasn’t a Phantom Thief calling card, but that anonymous letter—carefully placed among Shido’s belongings by Goro—proved to be enough to make Shido’s treasure appear. They had to face his shadow before getting to the treasure, and, even after winning, they barely managed to escape that palace before it collapsed around them. It was a close call, but… They made it. Somehow, they made it.

Ryuji chose not to go back to his house that night, accompanying Goro to his apartment instead, so they could properly take care of each other’s wounds. Besides, he didn’t want to leave Goro alone after everything they went through.

He finished cleaning and covering Goro’s wounds, and Goro quickly started to do the same for him. They didn’t talk much, and Ryuji chose not to try to force a conversation, respecting Goro’s space.

“It’s really over, isn’t it?” said Goro after a while.

Ryuji glanced at him, who still had his gaze on his wounded arm, carefully cleaning it.

“Yeah,” he said. “It’s over.”

Goro nodded, letting out a small sigh.

“It doesn’t even seem real,” he said. “I don’t think it dawned on me yet that we really defeated him.” He lowered his voice. “Changed him.”

Something in the way he said it worried Ryuji a little.

“Are you plannin’ to try and get close to him again?” he asked.

Thankfully, Goro shook his head.

“No,” he said. “Not after I learned how he truly sees me. Even if he changes and regrets everything, I… I think I’m better away from him.”

“I think so too,” agreed Ryuji. “That man harmed you too much already.”

Goro looked at him, hesitating for a moment.

“Would you stop me if I said I wanted to see him?”

“No,” admitted Ryuji. “But I’d still get worried.”

“I see.”

His answer made Goro smile, but he didn’t say anything else about that.

“It’s strange…” he said. “I don’t feel accomplished, but I feel much lighter than when I was planning to kill him.”

“That’s good to hear.”

Goro’s smile widened a little.

“In a way,” he said, “it’s like I finally managed to free myself from him. I’m not his assassin anymore…” He sighed briefly. “I chose not to be.”

“That’s right.”

Ryuji leaned in his direction, kissing his face. Goro looked at him, showing a soft smile.

“Thank you for doing this with me,” he said.

“I told you,” answered Ryuji, “I’m here for everythin’ you need.”

“And so am I.”

Saying that, Goro went silent for a moment, thinking.

“Is there anyone you want to…” He stopped talking, gesticulating briefly with his hand. “You know…”

Goro didn’t finish his sentence, but Ryuji knew what he meant. He lowered his gaze, the thought still making him slightly uncomfortable.

“I thought a lot about it,” he admitted in a low voice. “That, after we dealt with your old man, we could go after mine. But I don’t know…”

“What’s the matter?”

Ryuji hesitated, and Goro looked at him, concerned.

“I don’t know if I’m ready to see him again, even if it’s just his shadow.” Ryuji let out a brief sigh. “Just thinkin’ about it makes me feel…”

Instead of searching for the right word, he simply gestured in slight frustration. Goro nodded, in a sign that he understood what he meant.

“If you give me his name, I could—”

“No.” Ryuji shook his head. “I don’t want anyone else to do this. But I don’t know if I can do it either.”

“I see.”

Goro gently placed his hand over Ryuji’s, caressing it with his thumb.

“You can think about it for as long as you need to,” he said. “If you ever choose to go after him, I’ll go with you.”

Those words were enough to reassure him. He looked at their hands, a tiny smile taking his lips.

“I know,” he murmured. “Thanks.”

“Don’t thank me,” asked Goro. “I didn’t do anything for you yet.”

His words almost made Ryuji laugh in disbelief.

“What the hell, man?” He furrowed his brow. “‘Course you did. I told you before, I’m only here ‘cause of you.”

Goro looked at him, once again seeming concerned. He reached for Ryuji’s face, cupping his cheek while looking into his eyes.

“You’re not still thinking about this kind of thing, are you?” he asked in a low voice.

“No,” answered Ryuji. “It’s better now.”

It was the truth. He still struggled with his low self-esteem and negative thoughts, but that strong urge of putting an end to everything slowly faded away. Things were far from perfect, but he was glad he was still alive. Goro probably could notice that change in him, his expression relaxing once again.

“If you ever have these thoughts again, please, let me know.” He made a brief pause. “Don’t deal with this on your own, alright?”

“Alright.”

Goro smiled, leaning forward to place a soft kiss on Ryuji’s lips before turning his attention back to his wounds, treating each of them with more care than Ryuji remembered to have felt in a long time.

* * *

Almost two weeks passed until the day Akira and Ann approached him again at school. Ryuji’s heart jumped unpleasantly when he realized they were coming in his direction, but Akira’s hesitant smile showed that they didn’t mean to argue with him—at least not for the moment.

“Hey…” said Akira, while Ann stayed quiet, a step behind him. “Are you free today?”

The question caught him by surprise.

“Why?” he asked, slightly cautious.

Akira and Ann exchanged a brief look.

“We just wanted to talk,” she said, not looking at him.

Akira nodded, looking once again at Ryuji.

“Can you go to the Leblanc after class?” he asked. “It won’t take long.”

Ryuji planned to go to Goro’s apartment that afternoon, to help him get rid of some unwanted things to make it easier for him to change places as soon as he found another good, more affordable option. Without Shido’s money, and with his plans to leave his job as a detective, many things would change in his life, and Ryuji was ready to help in any way he could. He considered it for a moment, then came to the conclusion that Goro would understand if he arrived a little later than planned. To be honest, Ryuji didn’t want to refuse that request either.

“That’s fine by me,” he said, hoping it wasn’t a dumb choice.

Akira and Ann seemed relieved with his response. They went back to their classroom, and Ryuji sent Goro a message explaining the situation. The answer came soon after.

**Goro: Don’t worry about it.**

**Goro: But don’t allow them to blame you for what isn’t your fault.**

**Goro: You don’t have to endure anything for their sakes.**

**Goro: If they make you feel uncomfortable, just leave.**

His kind, concerned words made Ryuji feel calmer. He kept them in mind as he followed Akira and Ann to the station, making that still familiar way to the Leblanc. He would be lying if he said he wasn’t nervous, but he also felt that he needed to put a proper end to that situation, or it would never give him peace.

They reached Akira’s bedroom, Akira and Ann sitting beside each other on the couch, with Morgana on the table, between the two of them. Ryuji took the chair on the opposite side of the table, keeping his eyes on its surface, trying to ignore how much his heart was racing. The silence that followed was anxiety-inducing, but the relief brought by the sound of Akira’s voice was also short-lived.

“The man who sued me suddenly removed his charges,” he said. “Apparently, he was a corrupt politician who was responsible for a lot of shit that’s been happening recently. It’s everywhere on the news… He simply decided to confess to all his crimes, and surrendered himself to the police.”

Ryuji’s entire body went cold: he should have expected something like that.

“I see,” he said, making an effort to sound natural.

The other three stayed silent for a moment.

“Did you have anything to do with it?” asked Morgana.

“Why do you think that?” Ryuji kept his gaze low, somehow managing to keep a calm tone. “I ain’t a Phantom Thief anymore.”

“You didn’t answer me,” observed the cat in a low voice.

Ryuji didn’t say anything else, and, after some seconds of silence, the cat gave up with a small sigh. Ryuji risked a glance at them, in time to see Ann open her mouth, and feared that she would insist on the subject.

“Why did you leave?” she asked, instead.

Ryuji would feel relieved if that wasn’t another complicated subject.

“You know why.” He lowered his eyes again, unable to look at them while responding. “I was never one of you… Not for real, at least.”

“There’s more to it, isn’t there?” she insisted. “I was mad at the time, and just accepted that you were running away, but… I know you wouldn’t do this without a reason.”

Ryuji bit the inside of his lip. His stomach turned as he made an effort to make those words leave his mouth, as low as a mutter.

“Being with you was makin’ me hate myself again.”

His answer made those three widen their eyes at him.

“Why?” asked Akira.

Ryuji hesitated for a moment, then raised his eyes, meeting his gaze.

“Do you really wanna know?” he asked.

Akira seemed taken aback by the question, but ended up nodding.

“Yes.”

He sounded sincere. Ryuji took a moment to organize his thoughts, fighting against the urge to end the conversation there and close himself inside his safe bubble again. But, this time, he didn’t. It took a great effort in the beginning, but, as he managed to talk without anyone interrupting him, it became easier to keep going. It was the first time that he felt like they were actually listening to him, and he couldn’t tell if that realization made him feel better or more worried. Still, he didn’t stop, not even once risking a glance at them, afraid of the expressions he would see on their faces—if he saw anger or disdain there, he wouldn’t be able to keep talking.

So he kept saying word after word, until he felt like there was nothing left in his chest. Only then he gathered the courage to look at those three, seeing in their faces not anger, or frustration, or even indifference, but something closer to remorse. Morgana was the first one to break the silence.

“I never thought what I said made you feel like this…” he admitted, looking at Ryuji. “Why didn’t you tell me before?”

“I was scared,” admitted Ryuji. “I was so happy to finally have a place for me that… I was just scared of messin’ up and makin’ you guys hate me.”

“But how were we supposed to know?” asked Ann.

Before Ryuji could find an answer, Akira placed a hand on her shoulder, meeting Ryuji’s gaze.

“No…,” he said. “I think I understand. We didn’t make it easy for you to talk about it either.”

Ann looked at him, then lowered her eyes, considering it for a second.

“Maybe we didn’t…” she murmured.

Again, silence grew between them.

“Ryuji…” Akira hesitated for a moment. “I know it’s hard to believe me after everything, but… I thought of you as a friend.” He made a brief pause. “I still do.”

“Yes,” agreed Ann. “And things have been really different since you left. We tried not to talk about it, but… I know Makoto and Yusuke feel the same way.”

She stopped talking, taking a deep breath before speaking again.

“I’m sorry.”

Those words caught him by surprise.

“Yes,” agreed Akira. “Me too.”

“Me too,” added Morgana. “I never meant to hurt my own teammates, but I was too focused on my own mission and problems that I didn’t stop to think about how you felt.” He made a pause, looking at Ryuji. “Do you think you can forgive me?” He glanced at the other two before looking at Ryuji again. “Forgive _us_?”

Ryuji almost offered them a wide, reassuring smile, telling them that yes, of course he forgave them. That they all could be friends again, just like they used to. That everything was already in the past, and things would be better from then on.

But he stopped himself, aware that, if he did, he would be back to where he started.

“I don’t know,” he admitted in a low voice. “Maybe someday, but now… I need some time.”

To his surprise, neither of them questioned his answer.

“I understand,” said Morgana.

Ann nodded.

“As long as you know that, if you ever choose to come back, we’ll make sure things won’t go like this again,” she said.

“That’s good to hear.”

She offered him a tiny smile, then lowered her eyes, discreetly drying her tears with her sleeve. _Fuck_ … That was enough to make him feel like crying too. Before he could embarrass himself, he stood up from the chair.

“I should be goin’ now,” he said. “I told someone I’d help them with moving.”

They didn’t protest, nor prolonged their goodbyes. Akira accompanied Ryuji downstairs, following him outside of the Leblanc. After a second of hesitation, he placed a hand on Ryuji’s shoulder, looking at his face.

“Ryuji…” he said. “Thank you.”

That was so sudden that Ryuji furrowed his brow at him, confused.

“Why are you thankin’ me?” he asked.

“I just realized I never did it before.” Akira lowered his tone. “Not even once. So… Thank you.” He made a pause. “For everything.”

Hearing that filled him with a warm sensation. Without thinking much, Ryuji lightly tapped his arm, offering him a sincere smile.

“It’s fine,” he said. “Good luck with the Phantom Thieves.”

That response made Akira return the smile.

“And good luck with…” He shrugged. “Whatever it is you’re doing now.”

Ryuji walked away from the Leblanc, still feeling Akira’s gaze on his back. As soon as he got out of his sight, he giggled to himself, walking the rest of the way to the station with a light spring on his feet, feeling much lighter than before.

* * *

He could tell by Goro’s expression as soon as he arrived that he was concerned. However, as Ryuji told him how things turned out between him and his former group, his boyfriend seemed much more at peace.

“I swear…” said Goro, who was sitting beside him on the couch. “If they made you cry again, I would go back to my old ways.”

Ryuji twisted his lips, lightly pinching Goro’s cheek.

“Don’t even joke about that,” he said.

“Fine, fine…” Goro sighed, then showed him a smile. “What matters is that you look happier now.”

That observation made Ryuji laugh briefly.

“Yeah…” he said. “Guess I am.”

Goro observed him for a while, his expression becoming more serious.

“Don’t you want to go back?” he asked. “Rejoin them?”

The question made Ryuji widen his eyes.

“Do you think I should?” he asked.

“If that would be good for you.”

Ryuji considered it briefly, then shrugged.

“Nah…” he said. “We didn’t work well as a team. Even if things are good between us, they’re still better without me…” He leaned in Goro’s direction, kissing his cheek. “And I’m happy where I am now.”

He liked to see Goro try to hold back a smile, only to fail miserably. He gently held Ryuji’s chin as he closed that small distance, kissing his lips.

“Speaking of which…” He said as soon as he moved away. “While you were there, I was thinking… About how to compensate for the things I did, I mean.”

Those words immediately caught Ryuji’s attention.

“And?” he encouraged him.

Goro straightened his back, lowering his gaze to his own hands over his lap.

“I don’t want to rely on my detective facade anymore,” he said, “and, without my fame, there isn’t much someone my age can do… at least for now.”

He took a deep breath before continuing.

“There are still many terrible people like Shido, who will never face justice for their crimes through normal means. They will use their power to hurt and manipulate others until someone puts a stop to them… Someone like the Phantom Thieves.” He made a pause. “However, no matter how much the Phantom Thieves try to fight them, they can’t stop all of them alone.”

Suddenly, Ryuji had an idea of where he was going with all that.

“So, you mean…?”

“We could act on our own,” answered Goro, “just the two of us. Nothing flashy like them… No site, no cryptic calling cards. No one will ever know what we’re doing. I could have been a fake detective, but I still know how to get information on new possible targets, and our little adventure in Shido’s palace was proof enough that, even on our own, we make a strong team.”

He looked at Ryuji, meeting his gaze.

“What do you think?”

Ryuji considered it for a while, but, deep inside, he already knew the answer: he too wanted to make a difference, even if it was a small one.

“I think it could work,” he answered with an excited grin.

Goro returned that smile, clearly unsurprised by the answer.

“I’m glad you agree.”

“You gotta deal with the planning and stuff, though…” said Ryuji, gesturing toward Goro. “I ain’t good with that.”

“Very well.” Goro placed his arm around Ryuji’s shoulders, pulling him a little closer. “As long as I have you to watch my back.”

Ryuji leaned forward, placing a peck on his lips.

“Always.”

Goro’s expression softened. He ran his fingers through Ryuji’s hair, closing his eyes as he gently brushed his lips and nose against his face.

“I love you so much…” he whispered.

As much as he already knew that, hearing him say those words aloud made Ryuji’s heart jump.

“That’s the first time I hear it,” he said.

“Is that so?” Goro kissed the side of his neck. “Maybe I should start saying it more often.”

His words, as well as that soft touch, made Ryuji laugh briefly.

“So, you _can_ be romantic when you want to.”

It was Goro’s turn to chuckle, looking at his face with an amused half-smile.

“We already swore our lives to each other…” he said. “I don’t think we can get much more romantic than that.”

“Good point.”

Without thinking much, Ryuji reached for his hand, and, just like that day, intertwined their fingers before kissing the back of Goro’s hand, who did the same to his. A simple gesture, but it made him feel that he had finally found the place where he belonged.

“I’m with you,” murmured Ryuji.

“And I’m with you,” answered Goro. “Always.”

Despite everything, he wouldn’t want to be anywhere else.

**Author's Note:**

> These two are so ride or die, omg... Can you imagine how awkward it would be if they came across the PTs in the Metaverse, though? Kinda like meeting an ex during a date.  
> R: oh shit, that was my old group!  
> G: how did they bring a car to Mementos, though?  
> R: that's the cat  
> G: the...? excuse me...?
> 
> Thanks for reading, I hope you liked it!
> 
> Edit: I wrote a short sequel to this, focused on Ryuji and Yusuke. [Read it here!](https://archiveofourown.org/works/26167459)


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